whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize