I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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