At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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