I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
