dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
