Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
