hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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