i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
