Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
