Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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