i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
