We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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