i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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