lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize