Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
