Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize