I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
