I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
