I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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