I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
