hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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