mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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