My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the day after is always just damage control
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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