halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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