i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
