Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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