i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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