Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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