pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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