he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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