1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
