when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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