your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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