she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
