i think my mom watched the whole time
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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