Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
