A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
