I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
