So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
