I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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