Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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