Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
