did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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