can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
