Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
