she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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