I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
