I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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