I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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