Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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