I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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