I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
