I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My penis needs a shock collar
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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