Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
