Can Purell be used as lube?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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