Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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