your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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