omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
