Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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