the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Panties = found
Randomize
