remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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