I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
