my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
