Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
