that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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