Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
