dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I smell stomach acid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
