I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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