You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
