Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
