my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
