you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
