# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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