I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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