After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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