A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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