Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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